Plain Talk About Child Support

“Is there anything else going on?” I can tell there is. You wouldn’t be in my office if there wasn’t a problem somehow. Often, that last-minute question is on Child Support: paying, receiving, and employers getting letters to withhold. Everyone gets nervous about Child Support. No one wants to talk about it. It reminds people of the mistakes they made, past relationships, courtrooms, lawyers, judges, and even jail. The government is supervising what you do with your money. It’s scary stuff that no one wants to talk about.

People come to me for straight answers. The answers aren’t always unicorns and rainbows.  Sometimes the answers aren’t fun at all. However, it is always better to be armed with the truth and know the rules. So, let’s talk about the truth and general rules of child support.

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What is Child Support?

Child support is an amount of money that one parent pays the other. OK, I guess you knew that much. But WHY? There are two reasons:

• To be sure both parents are financially supporting their child, and
• To “balance the lifestyles” of the parents to some degree.

Examples will give you a closer look. Let’s look at the Smiths. Mom Smith is an attorney and makes $200,000 per year. Dad Smith works part-time on and off at the EZ Mart. Mom Smith gets custody of the kids. Does she NEED financial help from Dad Smith? Obviously not. She’s paid for everything so far.  Will the court award her Child Support? You bet they will. Every state has a bottom level of support – Arkansas is $25 per week – that the other parent pays. That’s because of Reason 1: You need to support your kids. Kids are expensive. You need to contribute something.

Reason 2, “balancing the lifestyles,” seems to be an irritating reason for a lot of people. I’d venture to say it irritates most people. Let’s reverse the situation above with the Smiths and Dad Smith has full custody. Dad can’t raise the kids on part-time work. He can’t afford full-time care with his level of work experience and education. However, judges don’t just put the kids with the parent with greater financial means. Sometimes that isn’t the best place for the kids.

Do the kids live in poverty with Dad Smith? Is it your problem as a taxpayer to support his kids? That’s what food stamps and daycare vouchers are: your taxpayer dollars. Or… it is Mom Smith’s responsibility to provide for her children? Yes, it is. Child Support is often structured to provide a roughly equal environment, a “balanced lifestyle,” between the person who is raising the kids (custodial parent) and the person with the greater means.

Would Mom Smith have to cut back her lifestyle and give Dad Smith $50,000 per year so he can raise her kids? It’s highly likely.  Why? Because it’s about the kids and not you. The kids shouldn’t live in poverty with one parent (becoming a burden to the state) while the other parent is living a better lifestyle without them.  You sacrifice a lot to raise kids whether you live together as a family or not. If you choose to involve the courts in deciding how your family will be split, the courts get to decide how your money is split.

It’s a hard truth. You asked the courts to decide the matter. Once the court is in the equation, it becomes about the kids and what is best for them in the court’s eyes. It’s no longer about you.

What Child Support is NOT

I have friends that are attorneys. They like to vent about the craziest stuff they have seen in court. Many family law attorneys have the same story.  One parent drags the other parent into court because they are somehow misappropriating the Child Support that they received. “I saw her buying liquor at the liquor store.” “He took her out of dance lessons that I’m paying for.” “She is buying him x label clothing.”  I’m not making these up. Guess what? They mostly get thrown out. You don’t get to decide how the other parent spends the money.

It is NOT direct payments for school supplies, clothing, and food. The other parent can do whatever they want with the money, without your approval. Remember ‘lifestyle balancing’? This is why it is irritating to most people. You must live with the fact that the other parent bought the kids designer clothes or an Xbox. You also must live with the fact that the other parent buys them nothing, if that is the case. The other parent is not dictating how you spend your money, and you don’t get to decide how they spend theirs, even if ‘their money’ was ‘your money’ earlier that week.

Another thing Child Support is NOT is a ticket to visitation. Visitation and Support are two separate issues in most courts. Though lack of support can affect visitation, that is an issue decided by the courts, not you. If you deny visitation because the other parent is not paying support, the other parent can bring a very serious case against you.  If you choose to stop visiting your children, you are still required to pay support.  Even if you voluntarily terminate your rights as a parent, you are STILL liable for child support. Nothing is going to stop that kid from being your kid, and kids are expensive. They need you to take care of them financially whether you can have a relationship with the child or not.

Again, hard truth, but that is the way it is.

Do I have to use the State Registry?

Technically, not always. But whether you are sending or receiving, it can be a huge mistake if you don’t. Why? Let’s start with if you are the one receiving support. The other parent “doesn’t trust the system” or “doesn’t want the government involved” or perhaps throws in “you don’t trust me to take care of my own kids?” Meanwhile, they just give you a check every week. Or cash. Or they pay for school or daycare or sports or clothes or lunch.

Then something happens in their life and they decide to stop paying. Maybe you got a better job and they think that you don’t need it anymore. Maybe they had another kid with someone else. Maybe they are just a jerk. But the support money dries up and you can’t pay your bills. Now what? You go to the Child Support Enforcement and explain. If the case was never opened in the registry, they can’t help you. They tell you that you need to get an attorney. (You need to reopen your case and prove to the court that the other party didn’t comply.) No support coming in means no money for an attorney. Now what?  You have only a few, if any, options.

BEFORE the support case is finalized, be positive that the other parent has opened the case with the state registry in the allotted time and only accepts payment through the registry. If they decide to stop paying, the state will pursue them for you. If you don’t have records in the registry, the state can’t help you.

Scary enough? It gets worse. Let’s turn the tables and see what happens to the paying parent. Same scenario, same excuses as above for not using the registry. You, the paying parent, keep forking over cash, paying for dance and football, paying the phone bill so you can talk to the kids, and paying more than the ordered amount of support in the long run.

The receiving parent has a bout of anger or bad luck and decides to take it out on you. They go back to court claiming you never paid a dime in support. What does the registry say? “$0.” Were you ordered by the judge to pay through the registry? It’s likely. Did you? No… Do you have check stubs to present to the court that you paid the other parent x dollars every week? Well, no, it was cash and I paid for stuff…. (Remember: Child support isn’t paying for the kids’ stuff; it’s improving the other parent’s lifestyle to match yours more closely. Paying for stuff doesn’t count.) You have zero proof that you complied with anything. Do you think the judge is going to pat you on the back and tell you to try harder next time? I’m going with a hard NO.

You will be shown in arrears (late) and garnished through your job, where they can take up to 65% of your check. Don’t let this happen to you. Pay everything through the registry. If you want to buy your kids extra stuff, that’s great, but pay the required amount through the state registry.

So what happens if it isn’t paid?

Again, let’s look at both sides. What if you are receiving support and the payments stop? You could call the other parent, but that rarely turns out well unless you are very good friends. You can mention it to the registry, but they have procedures for getting people caught up. You could call the court, but they will probably refer you to your attorney and hang up. You can call the police, but they will explain that it is a civil issue and they need a court order. You can call your attorney, but unless you have a pile of money and ready to start a several-month battle, there is NOTHING anyone can do.

People lose their jobs, change jobs, have car wrecks, give birth to other kids, have unexpected bills, or even die. Bad things happen. Also, sometimes people are just manipulative jerks.  There is no magic wand you can wave to make your support check appear on time. None. They may get caught up or they may not. They might string it out as long as possible and then catch up in one payment. They may catch up over several years. They may catch up at tax time. Understand that being awarded support and having the money in your checking account can be two different things.

The best advice here is to be able to survive without it. Have a plan in place if the money doesn’t show up one day. Be sure you can keep the rent and lights paid and keep the kids fed it the support dries up suddenly. Hard truth again. I know.

What if I CAN’T pay?

(Note, I didn’t say what if I DON’T pay? Please don’t make that choice.) What if you CAN’T pay? What if you lose your job? What if you’re in a car wreck and can’t work for a while? What if you have another kid? Lots of things happen. Your kids still need you. What do you do?

The first option may be the hardest, but also the best. Call the other parent. Explain your situation.  If you come to an agreement that you can skip paying for a week or a month or pay a reduced amount for a while, that agreement may stand outside of the court if there are no other issues. However, if you reach an agreement outside of court, be sure to get it in writing. Get it in writing. One more time: Get it in writing. You will have no defense if the other parent changes their mind after a week.

What if negotiating with your ex is a pie-in-the-sky, unicorns-and-rainbows dream? What if it’s a nightmare? What do you do if you can’t pay?  Child Support Enforcement cannot help you. Your best bet is to find a way to submit your information to the judge on your case. This might take an attorney. You will likely have to present evidence to support your position – such as bank statements, pay stubs, police records, anything you can show to keep the courts from pursuing you. There is no guarantee that the judge will lower your support amount, but you may keep them from garnishing your paycheck or putting you in jail.

Here’s a surprisingly common question – What if I go to jail (for something else, like a felony or a DWI)?  I can’t work and pay from there. The balance does NOT STOP growing. You will owe in arrears when you get out. Every cent. Hard truth…

Remember that getting the courts involved will have the courts involved until the kids are grown and sometimes years after. In the long run, rushing to the courts to have them solve your problems may not be the magic wand you wanted. Sometimes getting along and being parents together, no matter how hard that seems somedays, is easier than having your decisions dictated by judges, government offices, and lawyers who are always willing to take your money.

In Conclusion

For more information about handling Child Support in Arkansas, check out the Arkansas Office of Child Support Enforcement’s website. This website is designed to answer general questions about the services available through OCSE and to help establish and enforce court-ordered financial and medical support.

This is enough hard, ugly truth for one day. Go hug your kids. Or facetime them. Or even just send your good thoughts their way. They will always need you in some way, even long after they are grown.

Watch the Video on my YouTube Channel

https://youtu.be/18B8I3lNrQc

https://youtu.be/18B8I3lNrQc